Is Your Child Autistic?
Confusing, unsettling, even disturbing news came out late yesterday (from the top of the U.S. government, no less) warning pregnant women not to use Tylenol because it might cause autism in their child. “It is not good,” said the man at the podium.
None of this is “good,” and a million words will go out in the next few days trying to explain, justify, defend, and fight against that announcement. I just want to say a few words right now to a very specific audience. For a very specific reason.
I am the father of two children, both of whom are disabled. The challenges my kids have faced (one of whom has passed), and the challenges faced by any parent of children with special needs, is unique and immense. Trying to be that parent, trying with all our might to be the parent our child needs, is very hard. Trying to be and do that while also weighed down with guilt may be impossible.
Why guilt? From the beginning—while stating that all situations are unique—parents like me, and especially the moms, wonder if they somehow contributed to their child’s disability. We wrestle with most often un-spoken twangs of guilt. A mom especially will be tempted to wonder…did I do something to cause this? Did I not do all the right things prenatally? Did I eat right, exercise too much (or too little), do anything that may have “injured” my pre-born son or daughter? And now, yesterday, in a horribly specific, insensitive, even cruel way, people in suits behind podiums implied that taking that Tylenol may have damaged your child…forever.
Parents of kids with special needs feel many emotions. Guilt is one of them. Yesterday, without saying it directly, another helping of potentially crippling guilt was dumped on a specific group of parents. My word today to parents—especially moms—of boys and girls who are autistic is this: don’t accept that guilt. Sane science is not telling you this stuff. You have done and are doing, with good medical help, the best you can do. And you will keep doing it.
Mom, today you will face challenges with your child—communication challenges, “fitting in” challenges, emotional challenges (for your child, maybe for you.) Only you know how that presents itself in your world. The people behind podiums will move on to new “announcements.” They don’t matter. Work within your own experience, with medical authorities you trust. You don’t have time for false guilt.
God bless you, Mom. Dad, too. And may the loving, all-sufficient hand of God be on your precious son or daughter. Today.
